So close, yet so far
by texmex327
Summary: Calleigh's thoughts, feelings during episode 8.03


She woke up not wanting to face the day. She knew what today held and as much as she tried, she could not avoid it any longer. The interview with IAB was today and she was more nervous as each second passed. She wasn't looking forward to it, not like anyone would look forward to talking to Stetler but it wasn't about talking to him. It was about reliving that moment that changed everything. It was bad enough that she had to relive it every night in her dreams since it happened, but telling him, saying it out loud made it that much more real. This wasn't a bad dream that she hadn't woken up from, it was reality. She could have killed him and if that had happened she would not have been able to live with herself.

She tried her best to get her mind off of the IAB interview as she walked onto the crime scene that morning, but that was damn near impossible. Her head was not into the details of the case because every time she closed her eyes or looked towards the ocean she could swear she saw Eric staring back at her. She kept reliving the moments in her head, the moment when she fired her gun and the moment when her world came crashing down as she saw Eric speeding towards her. She felt dizzy and out of breath just thinking about the harsh reality that was setting in. Their actions could have gotten them killed. Now those same actions that were being called into question could cost them their jobs and the relationship they both fought so hard for.

She walked into the locker room with every intention of grabbing some change for a cup of coffee and to talk to Ryan about his progress on the case. The sound of the all too familiar footsteps made her catch her breath. Ryan noticed as her gaze shifted from him to the person walking up behind them. The air surrounding them suddenly became dense with a tension that no one should be around. They locked eyes as he shook Ryan's hands. He & Ryan made small talk all the while her gaze never leaving him. They knew that they couldn't speak to each other which was killing them both inside She would have given her left arm to have five minutes alone and with him and all he wanted was nothing more than to take her into his arms and kiss her passionately. She watched him intently as he made his way towards his locker. She released the breath she forgot she was holding as she noticed his hand instinctively reaching for her hip. His hand stopped short of touching her and it killed her because this was the closest they had been in weeks. She was begging for his touch and there was nothing she could do about it. As he closed his locker he turned his face towards her back, he could see himself burying his face in her hair and kissing her neck, making her beg for more. She could swear she heard him whisper I love you, just low enough for her to hear. Perhaps, it was wishful thinking. He took a deep breath as if to commit the scent of her vanilla shampoo and jasmine body spray to memory, just in case this didn't go down the way it was supposed to. This little gesture did not go unnoticed by Calleigh and it took everything in her to not reach out and caress his hand. The familiar scent of the cologne she had given him for their one month anniversary overwhelmed her senses as she felt the lump form in the back of her throat. What she would give to go back to that night. They locked eyes once again as he walked out of the locker room, their eyes saying everything that they could not say out loud. Their awkward exchange did not go unnoticed by Ryan. He tried his best to make Calleigh feel better, but inadvertently made her feel 100 times worse. She knew the consequences that her actions could bring; she just didn't want to hear it from him.

To say that the IAB interview had gone horribly was an understatement. She recounted everything she could remember about the armory shooting, never once doubting Eric's actions in front of Stetler. If Stetler had wanted to shake her confidence he did as soon as the words left his mouth. _"According to your ex-boyfriend you find it hard to trust some of the men in your life." _It wasn't what he had said about the trust issue; it was that he assumed that they had broken up. She could only imagine that the look on her face gave it all away, she was surprised to hear that he had referred to her as his ex-girlfriend. She knew deep down inside that Eric would never say anything like that, but that little bit of doubt still lingered. Would Eric say that to save his career? Would he turn out to be just like Jake? As she walked out of the interview she struggled to regain her composure. She felt a stray tear stream down her face as she saw him walking towards the exit. She held it together until she walked into the ladies room where she completely fell apart. This experience was taking its toll on her.

The end of the day brought closure to the bizarre case but had yet to bring closure to IAB's investigation. The only thing she was looking forward to was going home and forgetting the entire, emotionally exhausting day. Once again she was lost in her thoughts of him. She hadn't seen him standing there waiting for her as she made her way up the stairs. She grabbed the door handle and was surprised to see his hand above hers, fingers slightly brushing, the electricity coursing through her body. She pulled her hand back and let out a small laugh. She couldn't help but to smile at him and look at him, as if she was committing his face to memory. Her smile had gotten wider once she realized that their conversations were no longer restricted. They fell back into their playful exchange just like they always had before. It almost seemed as if the painful memory had been erased from both their memories. It took everything in her to not reach out to him and tell him just how much she missed him these past few weeks. They had both come close to losing everything they had worked so hard for. As they said their goodbyes for the day she smiled with the knowledge that maybe, just maybe everything was going to be ok.

The vibrating of her cell phone on her hip brought her back to her surroundings. As she flipped open her phone she saw the text message she had been waiting 5 weeks for "_I'll be by your place in an hour, I missed you. I love you"_

Calleigh smiled as she closed her phone shut. As she made her way down the halls of MDPD, she smiled brightly. Yeah, she thought to herself, everything is going to be alright. This is nothing more than a minor speed bump. No one said relationships were easy, but this one, this one was all worth it. She knew she had fallen in love with Eric Delko 12 years ago, but it wasn't until she almost lost him that she realized just how far she had fallen.


End file.
